You asked for my trust. You were curious to know the details, and I am so confused as to why. Is it a game you play? Get the girl to let her guard down, and destroy the walls she so delicately built to keep people like you out, and then make her smile for a little bit. Just to completely rip it all from underneath her feet without explanation, or a logical one at that. You're the type of person that creates trust issues for people. The reason we build our walls. You're the type of person that doesn't deserve to have a real relationship until you can learn to appreciate one. And just so you know, life may be difficult for you if can never learn to appreciate a girl-- and show her. And here is another hint: A 10-minute pit stop to "fill up" is not romantic, or appreciated by any girl in her right mind.
Thank you for ignoring the snapchat pictures that I sent in hopes to be able to talk to you. I secretly hoped that even though you opened them, and never responded, that you at least smiled in knowing that I was thinking about you and that I missed you. All I ever wanted was your happiness, and that precious smile to appear more. Thank you for taking the time to understand what most speaks to me, time over gifts. And then thank you for doing the opposite. No time, nor gifts were spent. If it weren't for your ignorance, I wouldn't have had anything to vent about with my best friend. And I never would have had the reality set in front of me that you are undeserving of me. Thank you for refusing to have a simple conversation with me. It made me realize that I am not the problem. Thank you for realizing what I do not want in the next man. It made me realize I am far too great to be tied down by mediocrity. You see, unlike you, I never gave up.
As time went on, I began to lose sight of who I am. I spent my time trying to figure out what went wrong, what I did wrong. My trust was shattered. My walls were built taller. My emotions were suppressed. My personality simmered. I couldn't be the one who gave up, because "what if we were meant to be?" Thats when you made the decision for me. Thats when you chose to end what was left of the embers of our romance after the fire burned out. Thank you for no longer wanting me and for giving up on us.
Above all, thank you for letting me go. For letting me be free. And for letting me be who I am. If it weren't for you making me feel like I had to apologize for doing things that were in my nature, I would have never realized how beautiful the heart I have is. I would have never noticed just how much I have to offer and how lucky the man I end up with will be.
And in case you ever stumble upon this, here is a heads up. No, I was never insecure that cheating would be an issue with you. No I didn't hate that you were with your friends, I hated that you couldn't even invite me. I hated that it was always them over me. So every eye roll you gave me, with a name....that was all in your head. Which reflects on you, not me.
To the Person Who Loves Me Next
And to anything in my past.
"There are reasons why she is distant at times. Don't take it personal. There are things from her past that still haunt her. It's not that she doesn't trust you. It's just that she's lost so many people in her life and been so let down that she doesn't have expectations for anyone anymore. She finds it hard to let people in, to realize that she can count on them. Give it time."
And to anything in my past.
"There are reasons why she is distant at times. Don't take it personal. There are things from her past that still haunt her. It's not that she doesn't trust you. It's just that she's lost so many people in her life and been so let down that she doesn't have expectations for anyone anymore. She finds it hard to let people in, to realize that she can count on them. Give it time."
Yours Truly,
Annalee