Tonight my world is quiet.
Tonight my world is empty.
Tonight my world is gloomy.
My world, is not my world.
Ever had that pit in the stomach type of feeling that something just isn't right? Maybe its events that occurred through the day, or where you are at, or who you are (or are not) with. Or maybe, just maybe--it is all of the above.
What do you do in this situation? Where do you go? What do you feel? What gets you past it? Is it pure perseverance, or do you nail down what needs to be changed, and go out and alter it?
The truth is, is that something has ended. An era, if we may call it.
I see this, 'period', and I have days where I don't feel it nearby, and days where it's the closest thing. I have days where I am relentlessly trying to change it into a comma. Actually, I would say..that is all that I am doing. I am a comma maker, hear me roar! I can't stand periods. Because it means the inevitable. [[The End.]]
It means that we need to start again. NOT CHANGE. Because change and start are very different things. I am just realizing the difference. My entire life, I thought all the moments where I craved that adventurous change, it meant change. But really, I just saw whatever it may have been, coming to and end, and I panicked to {start} again.
So guys, that is what I need, or want. Or have thought of, or felt. Or again, all of the above.
I can't help but list out the options I have, the places I could be, the people I could be seeing--the things I could be learning.
Yet my place is here. Somewhere distant from where my heart longs for.
I lack the feeling of being needed. I miss the comfort of being in the right place. It gave me some sort of confirmation, that I am doing the right thing.
Regardless, of everything that I am feeling, or that is happening-- I have this longing desire to run. My heart is currently elsewhere.
Like when Ronald Regan woke up after the attack and quoted the WC Fields quote, "I'd rather be in Philadelphia"
{Confession}: "Sometimes I am terrified of my heart; of it's constant hunger for whatever it is wants. The way it stops and starts."- Edgar Allen Poe.
My heart leads me to sometimes feel that here [wherever that may be], and now, will never be enough. It will always be temporal. Today I may sing one tune, and by tomorrow I'll be whistling a different. I can wake up today with 100% confidence of who I am, and by the end of the day, I'll have changed my mind a couple times since then.
It's me.
Someone who craves everything but whats around her.
Someone who wants different, yet scared to go out of bounds.
I am me.
And my world is full of constant starts-- and some start overs.
My world is up, down and even sideways.
My world is mine.
My world has yet to be created.
My world is in the middle of creation.
My world, is everywhere but here.
Yours Truly,
Annalee
Regardless, of everything that I am feeling, or that is happening-- I have this longing desire to run. My heart is currently elsewhere.
Like when Ronald Regan woke up after the attack and quoted the WC Fields quote, "I'd rather be in Philadelphia"
{Confession}: "Sometimes I am terrified of my heart; of it's constant hunger for whatever it is wants. The way it stops and starts."- Edgar Allen Poe.
My heart leads me to sometimes feel that here [wherever that may be], and now, will never be enough. It will always be temporal. Today I may sing one tune, and by tomorrow I'll be whistling a different. I can wake up today with 100% confidence of who I am, and by the end of the day, I'll have changed my mind a couple times since then.
It's me.
Someone who craves everything but whats around her.
Someone who wants different, yet scared to go out of bounds.
I am me.
And my world is full of constant starts-- and some start overs.
My world is up, down and even sideways.
My world is mine.
My world is in the middle of creation.
My world, is everywhere but here.
Yours Truly,
Annalee