Be Someone's Marilyn.

I should let you in on whats happening.

I should share with you, the intent of the random blog post. 

Here it is--

I have a huge case of writers block. No, not just writers block, I have negative Nancy singing and dancing in my head, while I sit here and try and think of some heaven sent message post to give to you, my fellow readers. 

But guess what? 

You aren't getting the awe-inspiring, kick in the pants, go out and do, type of post.

You're getting a-- I googled 'what should I blog about today' post. 

One that I grabbed off a list of a bazillion ideas. 

Because while I may not think my writing capabilities are up to parr right now, I have got to get past that, and rise above the challenge.

So my fellow readers, Here is my post, for you. Proving that I'm alive, and writing, and that though my dream of becoming a writer found a curve in its path, it's going to remain on track, and I will eventually push through my Nancy-Dancy head and write to change.

There are only few things I keep in my mind about my childhood. Somethings are funny, like the one time my older siblings convinced me to flip off my dad. Or the time while traveling to Utah that my pea-sized bladder couldn't hold it and I tinkled out the side of our big green hideous Aerostar van, while it was moving...at 65 mph. Somethings are traumatic--that scarring moment when we were playing the 'don't smile' game in Yellowstone Cabin and my Uncle Mark lifted his shirt (showing his...hairy, huge, gut) and sang the National Anthem with his belly button as the mouth. Dramatic--like the time I moved to Colorado and my brother chased me around the house causing me to slip into a glass pot and slicing my face open. Resulting in 108 stitches. Others, just happy, pleasant memories. Like how my childhood in Utah consisted of daily visits to Grandma Marilyn's with Bre, to watch endless hours of Pocahontas on repeat, hour after hour. Or how every time I was with my Grandma Mary I would ask to do stamps, like it was my job, I wanted to stamp everything! And she let me! She would always pull out her (I'm sure very pricey) stamp set, paper, cards and I would create useless stamped papers for whoever walked by me at that moment.  Some scary moments, like that one time at Grandpa Craig's home on the Mountain, in the dark tunnel, where I was convinced my death was following me as I ran out of the unknown tunnel into his bright and colorful garden.  But my biggest childhood memory was one that occurred in my Home away from Home--Bear Lake. 

We were sitting in this tiny cabin. At the time, we didn't really spend much time at the cabin so getting a big one that fit everybody perfectly wasn't what we did. Each family had it's own room, and as a child you were either on the floor or in a tent that was staked outside on the beach in front. So to say it was crowded constantly, would be an understatement. Of course all of the billions of cousins, aunts & uncles made it hard to get time with my Grandma Marilyn. But somehow a couple of us cousins squeezed in a little time with her.

I don't remember how it was brought up, I don't remember what exactly was said. But I can tell you how I felt after. We were sitting on the porch outside. It was as if she was our teacher about to read us a story, and we were all crowded at her feet awaiting the magical moment to begin. As she sat in her chair, she took each of us and told us what it was about us she 'noticed'. AKA... She told our little selves what it was she loved about us, and what we were good at. Like I said, I can't remember what she said, but I remember walking to my seat, away from my moment in the sun, feeling unstoppable. Feeling incredible. And keeping that feeling in my mind for however many long years, I feel as though she is the reason I consistently push myself to do better. She is the reason behind most of my big decisions. Because, I don't want to let her down. I want her to remember that moment, and say ' I was right, everything I said about you, you have lived up to.' Ya know? How incredible is it that what took maybe 10 minutes out of her busy life, has remained with me for more than a decade, and will last for many more to come. 

So the pick of my blog topic was--What childhood memory do you remember most often? And while I remember many, quite often, I pick the one that has pushed me to do better. In my times of despair, and trial, I choose to remember that someone believed in me before I even need to choose life altering paths. Someone believed one little girl growing up to do big things. And just like that I will continue to prove her right. 

You know what? I am going to change this into an awe-inspiring, kick in the pants, go out and do type of post. I dare you, to go out there and be someone's 'Marilyn'. Whether that is a child, or an almost college graduate. You go tell them what you love about them, and what it is that makes them special against the millions of other people surrounding them daily. You might just freak them out, or like me, you might become their constant reminding memory to do better, and be better. To dream big dreams, and accomplish them.  

So maybe I have gotten a little down recently. Thinking I'm doing nothing in these months that I could be. But you know what? Starting now, that changes. I'm going to go be someones Marilyn. A new, updated version of the sweet, loving, incredible Grandma that I love. I have 2 months here that I could be changing attitudes of others, which in turn, I'm sure will change mine. This fraction of my life will be a constant push, and a constant comfort that the 'Annie Screen' is being watched by some people up There. 

Who knew, A grandma-- a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, but most importantly a LOTTA bit best friend. Love you Grams. Rest In Peace.