Day Fifteen:

.What do people misunderstand about me?. 

Trust.

It's a five letter word that can either bring two people together, or rip them right apart. For me, it has a record of ruining.

Most people would consider me to be a trusting heart. Sure, you can trust me. Whatever. But do NOT expect the same from me. I do not trust people easily. I know thats said a lot, and everyone always plays the heartbroken, screwed over card. But thats not my card.

I haven't been played.

I haven't been cheated on. 

I have had promise after promise broken.

I have seen from a young age, lives and families shatter over things. 

I have had life lessons given to me young. 

I have grown up believing that people will do anything to protect themselves and their lives, even if it means screwing over someone else near and dear to them.

Sure, I've seen hearts break. I've seen friendships lost, and I guess you could say that it has imparted on my trust issues. 

But in reality, why do we need to trust people? All of my deepest, darkest secrets, issues, trials, triumphs usually go unsaid, because who needs to know them? Why is it their business of my past? Of my family? Why do people I meet in college need to know anything that has happened before their friendship came along? It's like, trusting people with your secrets is a small way of living in the past. Lets live in the future! Whats past is past, so move on. Don't bring it up. 

I know a time will come in my life where I will marry a man, and he will have my full, complete trust. But as for now, I guard my heart & my life. 

I've let my guard down before, and it has shattered some pieces, and I've learned from it. Heck, I'm still learning. And I'm still putting those pieces back together. But as time goes on, the number of friends I trust gets lower and lower. Not really many people know that about me. I have very few, if any...that knows EVERY little detail about my life. And yes, that includes some of my best friends. 

It's not that I'm hiding anything, its not that I think any lower of my friends, and I'm not even lying.

It's a personal choice to not screw myself over. Who knows when times will get rough during any friendship, and I don't think we need to use each others pasts, and crush any trust we had to prove a point, or to hurt another. So why would I put myself in that position?

I guess...this is all a long way of saying that I like my independence. I like being able to take my problems, my situations and figure them out the best I can. I like solving things by myself, because that means when they are over, I have accomplished a trial that God gave me. I have passed one of the many tests I will receive in life. Eventually I am going to want someone that will take on the trials with me. But as of now, I'm growing on my own, and don't need others judgement or opinions to weigh me down or impair my opinions/needs.